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Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Starbucks and me

10 Aug

I don’t drink coffee. Never have. Never will. Yet I find myself snuggled in the same corner chair at Starbucks on MWF from ten until twelve. What gives?

It’s been four weeks today since Hubby had his hip replaced. Youngest son moved home for the summer to study for and take his GRE (done!) and help out after his dad’s surgery. His jobs were to get the trash to the road on Fridays, water the outside plants because I’m afraid of what lurks beneath the bushes you have to go through to get to the hose and take his dad to physical therapy.

It was a solid plan because the PT time would give me some much needed alone time in the house to write or whatever. So why am I sitting in Starbucks instead of youngest son? Because he got a job. Not that I’m complaining (well, I guess I am) because it’s difficult for anyone to find a job in this economy, much less a brand new college graduate, so I’m proud of him. But . . . although he still handles the garbage and waters the plants, it leaves me to take his dad to PT and eliminates my home alone time.

Hubby is doing well. He and his cane walked around the block before we left for PT. He sees his doctor in two weeks and is scheduled to go back to work in three. The doc said ideally Hubby’d be out of work for twelve weeks, but one of us would have had to have been institutionalized if that had been the case.

As you know, I left cozy writing nook and moved downstairs to be available to his every whim. Now with his increased mobility, he can pretty much do everything for himself. However, when I tried to relocate back upstairs to cozy nook, he used his cell phone to call me on the house phone for all of hie “Where is . . . ” questions. It’s just easier to stay downstairs.

At least our  biggest issue has been resolved. Movies have been his distraction during his convalescence, and he watches then at full volume. I swear, even when I’m upstairs in my writing nook, I close the door and I can still hear the dialogue of the movies. Sitting in the same room, it was unbearable. After three tries, we found cordless headphones that were comfortable and hold a decent charge. Now I can work in silence while he watches the movies with the sound blaring in his ears. I suppose hearing aides will be next on our list.

It’s almost time to leave my corner chair and retrieve him from PT. Thank you Starbucks for providing a comfy, cool place to write while I wait. I may not drink it, but I do love the smell of your coffee!

 

Manic Monday: Home Alone

25 Jul

I am accustomed to working at home. Alone.

Hubby’s total hip replacement has greatly hindered changed how I do it. I left my cozy writing nook upstairs and set up shop on the loveseat in our den so I could be at his beck and call. First with his walker, now with his cane, he goes from the only chair meeting the requirements for him to sit, to the sofa where he lays down and sometimes naps, to the bathroom or kitchen; then he starts all over again.

He has greatly improved during the twelve days since his surgery, so I don’t have to tote and fetch as much as I did in the beginning.  But requests for water, tissues, tucking him in, etc. have been replaced with questions.  Do I know where the instructions for something we bought three years ago might be? Why don’t we start this project or that project? Where is the Blu-ray movie he can’t find? Why don’t we get out and run a few errands? All are questions that require me to stop work and assist him, so his physical improvement hasn’t changed his demands on me.

And then we get into the disagreements. I went to the same presurgery class and read the same 1” manual as he, but our interpretations are somehow different. In the class (and in the book) it was stressed his physician wants his patients to use a walker for two full weeks putting no more than 50% of their weight on the replacement joint. At ten days, however, Hubby ditched the walker reasoning the book was written for much older patients who weren’t very active.

In addition, he is supposed to wear support hose during the day but not at night. But now that he feels well enough to get out and do a few things, he refuses to wear them except at home. Again, the rules don’t apply to him. He is a physician and maybe he does know best, but the last time I listened to him instead of my gut, he ended up in emergency surgery and was in the hospital for ten days.

And bless his heart, all of a sudden the man can’t hear. He turns on the television with the volume as high as it will go. He is sitting (or laying) right in front of the television, but still needs it to blare. When he drifts off to sleep, I mute it, but he’s not napping as much as I’d like. We tried closed captions, but he didn’t like that solution even though last night he wanted to watch an Italian movie with subtitles. I bought some cordless headphones and charged them for sixteen hours as the instructions said. They lasted for one. We charged them another sixteen hours—again they worked for one. Back to the store we went. Cordless headphones aren’t as easy to find as one might think, but we found another pair at a different store. However they don’t have a way where he can switch the volume back to the TV should I want to watch a movie with him. They have to physically be removed from the television.

Then there is his physical therapy–one and a half hours, three times a week. Today we had an appointment to get a scan to make sure he didn’t have blood clots. Next we went to another location to have blood drawn which was followed by PT at yet a third site. Thank you Starbucks for giving me a place near his PT to write. Even with all of the commotion, it was less than distracting than being at home with him.

I’m sure if you have small children you are no stranger to interruptions to your writing. How do you deal with them? Better than me, I’m guessing.

 

Friday Favorites: Exciting News

22 Jul

I’m pre-empting Friday’s character chat with a personal announcement:

 

We’re expecting our first grandchild!

 

Middle son, Drew and his wife Naomi, shared their good news earlier this week. Drew is in the Marines and they are stationed in Oahu, Hawaii. It looks like we’ll be taking the long trek to Hawaii in a few months.

 

Have a good weekend, all.

 

~ Kay

 

Manic Monday: Hip, Hip Hooray!

11 Jul

It has indeed been a manic couple of weeks around our house. Hubby is scheduled for a hip replacement this Wednesday and we’ve had to ready our home for his return. This includes removing all rugs, putting rails up in the shower and for the stairs coming into house from the garage, rearranging all of the drawers so his clothes are waist high or above, purchasing or borrowing such “equipment” as shower chair, special shower mat, bedside potty, walker and more. None of our chairs or sofas will give him the correct angle for sitting so we also purchased a new chair. We needed a desk chair, so that’s what we got. The height can be adjusted and he can roll around while he’s incapacitated. When he doesn’t need it any longer, it can go upstairs to the study.

 

He’ll use a walker for two weeks, then go a cane. He’ll also do physical therapy three times a week. Luckily (for me), his 24-year-old son is living with us for the summer while he studies for the GRE. Step-son’s plans are to apply for physical therapy school, so he’s volunteered agreed to be in charge of getting his dad to and from PT and supervising his home exercises. I love this kid—really.

 

Hubby’ll most likely be in the hospital until Friday. Then he has to stay home for a minimum of six weeks. Therein lies my problem. The doctor said hubby will feel great in three weeks and will think he can go back to work, but it would be a false sense of well-being. Doc said Hubby’s hip should be the center of his universe for the next six weeks. Ideally, he’d stay out of work for twelve weeks, but if he does well with his PT, six will do. If he feels spry in three weeks, I foresee some battles about his limitations. But I will control the car keys and he can’t so anywhere unless I take him. 

 

I dread the next six weeks and here’s why. He won’t be sick, he’ll be physical limited. This means his mind will be as sharp as always (which is damn sharp) and he can sit around and think of things for us to do. As a business owner he has a unique roll in his company so he plans to do his job remotely. He also wants to knock out several hours of online CME (continuing medical education) while he’s home. In addition, he’s mentioned he might have someone come in to give him guitar lessons and he may do an online typing class . . . see why I’m dreading the upcoming weeks. I’m accustomed to quiet serenity during the day and the next six weeks will be anything but.

 

When I was sick this past winter and when I had an injury a couple of years ago, he took such good care of me. He had so much patience and did all the cooking, cleaning, and even the laundry. (He still does most of that now.) I know, however, I do not have the patience of Job and I fear I won’t be as supportive to him as he was to me. It’s not a contest, but I would like to reciprocate and I fear I’ll fail.

 

How will his being under foot home all the time affect my writing? I don’t know. I enjoy his company (obviously) and if he is watching movies, I’ll want to snuggle in and watch movies too. I’ll probably move from my writing nook, so I’ll be on the same floor as him to better meet his needs (and keep me from going up and down the stairs a zillion times). I’m not as productive away from my nook.

 

I have lined up a few guest posts to use when I’m too busy or overwhelmed to blog. Yeah me for planning ahead, though having him home might give me plenty of blogging topics. I’m just not sure how I’ll tie them in to writing, but that’s my creative challenge.

 

I know we all have unexpected distractions from our writing. I’d love to hear some of your stories so I won’t feel alone in this boat. Prayers and good ju-ju on Wednesday (11 am CDST) will also be appreciated.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. It’s your turn.

 

~Kay

 

Wildcard Wednesday: Grief

29 Jun

Hubby is 1/3 owner of a small business. He and his two business partners started the company about ten years ago and have grown it to a dozen or so employees. The recession hurt, but they managed to keep all of the employees in their jobs. They are like a  family.

The three owners are around the same age but they have vastly different personalities. Each has a distinctive role in the business and they compliment each other’s expertise. They are a good fit and work well as a team. They trust and respect (and dare I say love) each other, and they always have each other’s back.

Hubby and I met when the company was brand new and got married in a small ceremony almost nine years ago. Both of his partners and their lovely wives were there to celebrate with us. And when Hubby’s step-dad died in April the four of them were at the funeral. There have been many occasions where we’ve had the opportunity to support each other and all six of us have stepped up to the plate.  As I said earlier, it’s like a family.

Yesterday, the wife of one of the partners, who had been very ill for some time, crashed. They were at the hospital, and Hubby and the other partner joined them there. Hubby kept me posted by phone, but when they decided to do surgery, I headed to the hospital too. They opened her. They closed her. They told the family there was nothing they do. She died yesterday around 4:15 at the age of 52.

Losing some you love is painful. Grieving them brings even more pain. The emotional highs and lows in the weeks/months/years after a significant loss are sometimes hard to comprehend. I’ve learned through personal experience you can’t skip grief nor can you rush it.

Everyone grieves differently and I think it is presumptuous to tell someone you know how they feel. I learned this when my mom died 19 years ago. Well-intentioned friends would say, “I know how you feel,” but in reality, I wasn’t sure how I felt . . . how could they? For me, it was much more comforting to hear words of sympathy I could believe: “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “I can’t imagine how you are feeling,” for example.

When my mom died, I had a lot of other things going on in my life. I put my grief on the back burner and didn’t work through it. I thought I had handled it well. I thought I was fine. Then, a few years later, it came crashing down so vehemently, it almost paralyzed me. Later, when two very close friends died, I started grieving immediately. It still took over a year to fully grieve their deaths—and I still miss both of them and my mother too—but letting myself feel sad or angry or whatever I needed to feel in the moment made acceptance much easier.

As I get older, I realize I am going to see death among friends more frequently. I’ve accepted that. I don’t know if the more times you grieve the more efficient you’ll become at it. I just don’t know. I wish I had a way around the grief, but I believe it has to be felt to be released.  And loss hurts, damn it!

Have you experienced loss? How have you grieved? Does it get any easier???

 

RIP PATTY

~Kay

 

 

Monday Madness

16 May

I can’t seem to wake up today. Between the overcast skies and an empty house, my body seems to think today is a rest day.

Thanks to everyone who sent condolences for the passing of my father-in-law last week. It was a sad thing, but his 80 year old body had been through a lot with a liver transplant twenty-five years ago and battling cancer for the past five years. The last six months have been the worst, but Hospice has been involved, making it much easier on the family and hopefully on him. We are happy he could die at home in a house he built himself.

On a brighter note, all three sons got to come home, including our Marine who is stationed in Hawaii. Many thanks to the Red Cross! It was great going to sleep to the sound of their voices and laughter. At 29, 26, and 24, they’re still young enough to manage those late night sessions, but Hubby and I were in bed each evening at the earliest possible time. The dishwasher, washer and dryer were constantly going, but all three sons (and Hubby) know how to operate them.

In the aftermath of the funeral (Thursday), we had a celebration on Saturday. The youngest son graduated from college. Now everyone will be off the payroll. A time to celebrate indeed.

Yesterday was filled with trips to the airport (one at an ungodly hour) and visits with my mother-in-law. She’s handling widowhood quite well and has already made plans to attend a Tuesday night widow’s group at her church.

Whew! Maybe there’s a reason my eyes won’t stay open today. Hopefully by Wednesday I’ll be wide-awake. Until then . . .

~Kay

 

Wildcat Wednesday: Oh, Mama

11 May

Hi everyone,

In case you missed Monday’s post, my father-in-law passed away earlier this week.

Lauren E. Abramo of Dystel & Goderich Literary Management has graciously allowed me to use her Mother’s Day post today. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.

Oh, Mama!

I’ve been thinking about the best and worst mothers in literature.  I’ve got a pretty excellent mom if I do say so myself, but so many literary characters seem a bit lacking in that department.

By far the worst, in my estimation, is Beth Jarrett in Ordinary People.  Poor Conrad Jarrett—I still can’t look at Mary Tyler Moore the same way after seeing her spot-on depiction of Beth in the film adaptation.  You toss that hat in the air, Mary, like you’re a happy, warm-hearted person, but I know deep down inside you’re awful.  I’m not buying it for a second.

There are many runners up, though.  I think we can all agree that Flowers in the Attic’s Corinne is seriously failing her children.  The mom in Carrie isn’t winning any prizes.  And if we’re counting Christina Crawford’s Mommie Dearest, well, I think we all know about the wire hangers.

I’m hard pressed to come up with a best.  Marmee from Little Women is close, but she did produce Amy, so that’s some points off for her.  A recent entry into the canon might be Ma in Room—it’s hard to imagine better mothering under such circumstances.  Plenty of mothers are much worse without such dire constraints.  Caroline Ingalls is pretty great, as I recall, though I remember Pa better, frankly.

But I bet you all can come up with even better options.  There must be some reallllllly lovable mom out there in the world of books, right?  Who would you nominate for best and worst literary mom?!

Thanks everyone for your e-mails and comments offering condolences. He was a dear man and had fought a good fight against his cancer. He was 80.

I’ll be back soon,

~Kay

 
 

Monday Madness: Something is wrong with my blog

09 May
Something is wrong with my blog and I can only get it to single space. I don’t have time to figure it out now. Sorry for it being so difficult to read.
I hope everyone had a happy Mother’s Day, mother or not. I had a busy one.
Pa Herb (my father-in-law) died early yesterday morning.
I spent the day at the farm with my mother-in-law who was diagnosed with stomach cancer about six weeks ago and had her stomach removed removed three weeks ago. (Yes, you can do that!)  There is no Internet connection at the farm, nor do cell phones work.
With all of this I experienced something I’d never done before. I called the Red Cross to try to get my step-son home from his Marine post in Hawaii. We don’t know yet if that will work out, but are keeping our fingers crossed. My oldest step-son works near Washington, D C. and will be in on Wednesday. The youngest graduates next Saturday from college (Finally!) so he’s finishing up exams.
My blog may be sporatic this week. I’m not even sure if I’ll able to post Wednesday and Friday. Thanks for understandingl”
~ Kay

 

Discover Magic

20 Apr

 

Remember the Revisions class I completed in March? You know the one where I worked my rear end off tearing apart, then putting back together, my novel. To be fair, the teacher did warn us Revisions would be a lot of work, and I knew beforehand only the strong would survive. It was sort of like boot camp (if you can do online boot camp) but it was exactly what I needed to get back on track.

Well, guess what! The teacher, author Lani Diane Rich, is presenting two additional classes beginning May 8th. In Making Magic:Filling the Creative Well she will help her students find their magic throughout the writing progress. It’s designed for any stage writer and she promises it will be as much fun as Revisions was difficult. (No way!)

In Discovery Writing: Finding your Voice, she will help you get to know your characters, find your voice for this story, determine your point of view, and even write a provisional opening scene.

You can actually do the the two classes back to back, as the podcasts will be on Sunday afternoons.

How do I know this? Did Lani and I become BBFs after her class? Well, yes, but that’s another story. No, actually I listen to the daily podcast she does with her new husband, Alastair Stevens. You can go to her website or to iTunes and check them out. Or sign up, and new podcasts will appear in your inbox–like magic! The podcasts are fun, short (usually sometimes), and a great source for tidbits of useful information. The forums (from both the class and the podcasts) are also a great place to make new writing friends.

In fact, five or six of my classmates from Revisions are talking about meeting up in August for Killer Nashville. Now won’t that be fun to actually meet the people behind those silly hilarious obnoxious sleep-deprived brilliant posts? I think so and can’t wait to play host to the BFF’s I did find in Lani’s class.

Check them out. You’ll have a blast.

~Kay

 

Ma Sue update: She had to have two units of blood today, but is strong enough none of us is spending the night at the hospital. She started eating again today with clear broth and something yellow they said was Jello. Today was the first day she’s had visitors other than family and I’m sure that lifted her spirits. We’re thinking she’ll go home Saturday. Pa Herb has his own support system set up at the farm, and he’s holding own, but I’m betting he’ll be glad to get “his girl” back home.

 

Manic Monday

18 Apr

I just got home from the hospital.

Ma Sue’s Friday surgery went fine. They had to remove her entire stomach, then attach her esophagus to her small intestine. The next hurdle will be to make sure there’s no leakage at these spots. She’ll be able to eat small, frequent meals but not much food at once.

Unfortunately the cancer was more widespread than we’d hoped but until we get the pathology reports back we won’t really know the whole picture. She is in a lot of pain, but has some of the good meds ordered to help minimize that. She is resilient and has a “can do” attitude so I know she’ll conquer this like she’s conquer so many other challenges in her life.

Pa Herb is doing well at home with his daughter taking care of him. Ma and Pa talk on the phone every night before “lights out” as though they were courting. It’s sweet to watch. I only hope she remembers it.

We’ve asked visitors not to come. The room is small and a family member is with her 24/7. If others drop by she’ll pull out her southern charm and entertain them just like her mama taught her. She needs to be resting. So far this request has been respected.

Tomorrow they will do a dye test to see if there is leakage and, if not will start her on soft foods and liquids. They’ll also remove the NG tube that goes up her nose and down her throat. She said she’d dance a jig if they’d just take that thing out.

If things stay on schedule, her two younger sisters will come up from Alabama and Mississippi on Thursday, spend Thursday night and take her home on Friday. I’m sure Pa will be happy to see her and I know she wants to sleep in her own bed.

Thanks for your prayers, support and concern. We are blessed to have all of you in our lives.

~Kay